I really don’t know what I hoped to truly accomplish in making this video or post. I just felt that I had to do something to externalize all these feelings and thoughts that I’ve been dealing with inside my head for all these years. I wish that I could better organize my thoughts to write something more impactful, but this is the best I can do for now.
I grew up in the community of Mar Vista, a small suburban neighborhood on the west side of Los Angeles county. I loved living there; Mar Vista is overall a great place to live and a great place to grow up. But, there are unfortunately dark pockets that exist within what would otherwise be the perfect place.
In the neighborhood I grew up in, the gang lifestyle is sometimes simply part of the area’s culture, and it’s all too easy for a young person to get pulled into the mix. Thankfully, I had my music and the local youth center to keep me off the streets, but not all kids living in Mar Vista are that lucky.
I honestly don’t know why anyone chooses to join a gang. Some people say that members join because they desire to prove their own worth; others say members join out of fear; and still others say that members join because they want to feel that they simply belong. Whatever their reasons, once they’re in, they’re locked into a lifetime of danger and destruction.
It deeply saddens me whenever I hear that one of my fellow youth center members has joined a gang. It makes me angry that some of the kids in my home town simply do not have access to opportunities for a better future — or worse: they just don’t want a better future. It makes me furious that some kids in my neighborhood don’t even know what a college or university is like, nor do they even desire to attend.
My friends weren’t gangsters, but gangsters murdered my friends. Even after two years, accepting this fact is extremely painful and difficult. But, I am truly exhausted from being angry of sad. I want to use my energy now for something better. Maybe that’s why I made this video: I wanted to make something that might help make a difference.
Even if it ends up making even the smallest of differences, it’ll be energy well spent.
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I can’t really say much… you are making a difference with this video.
Oh, and it has been a long time since I’ve seen such a meaningful video blog video. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
Paul, Thank you for reaching through the screen and sharing yourself. I truly hope your video makes a difference in other people’s lives and helps you heal. Growing up in LA, unfortunately, exposes us to gangs. I am sad that you’ve been directly affected by them in such a terrible way. But I’m glad that you’re still here to share your experience and, through your story, to save someone’s life by telling it and influencing a decision for someone to not join a gang.
I agree with Lan. You are making a difference with this video, and you make a difference every time you make music and remember where you came from. I’m so sorry for the way you lost your friends. It is unfair.
Thank you for making this video. I hear/know where you’re coming from. I’m sending this to some friends.
No, not an empty gesture, not a waste of time, not stupid. I’m nearly speechless. It’s exactly the kind of deeply sincere message that any kid on the verge of getting in over their head needs to hear: they need someone to tell them that they *do* belong, and that they are not alone, and that there’s hope for a better future.
I’m so sorry you lost your friends, and that you lost them in such an unfair senseless way.
“…any movements towards that goodness makes all the difference.”
Amen, brother.
thanks for making this video. it really touched at the heart. i also had no idea that this tragedy happened which led to your song to them.
im so sorry for your loss…..
Es realmente triste que estas cosas curran, lo sento mucho por tí, de verdad…
pero personalmente creo que es bueno que hagas vdeos como éste, porque hacen que la gente se de cuenta de las consecuencias tan graves que puede tener unirse a gente de ese tipo, tu ejemplo puede hacer que las personas que lo hagan se paren a pensar en los daños que pueden ocasionar a la gente de su alrededor, a la gente que les quiere. Gracias por compartir con nosotros.
Thank you to everyone for watching and commenting. Your kind words mean so very much to me. May you all be safe and in good company.
Lan spoke for me, too. Exactly.
A clear example of how to better use our talents for important self-expression.
Man, it is amazing that you have the strength to put your emotions out like this… and your message comes across strong and clear. Though this video will only be seen by a relatively limited number of people it will affect them… and that will in turn affect others in an outward ripple and you will consequently reach many.
More importantly, though, is the fact that even though you are not telling this story daily, not spreading this exact message… you are living your life and interacting with others in a very positive way… through personal exchange as well as through your music… and that may have the greatest effect of all.
I am glad to even know you, Paul.
=)
Couldn’t have said it better myself, well done.
Paul,
I love jew my friend. Thank you for making this video. It is truly a reminder of how precious life is.
Very sad and touching… Making this video wasn’t a mistake if it helps you somehow. It’s beautiful…
i really believe you´re going yo make a difference, i have learned something very valuable today, i´m going to call my friends, they need to know how much they mean to me, thanks paul for sharing your life and for teaching me something really important, thank you so much
paul, i’m not sure what you hoped to accomplish with this video either, but i think the fact that you already have such an influence over others helps to get your message across. and for me, i appreciate how your videos, especially ones like this, really show the human side of you and it connects to us on a much deeper level. there are so many ways to communicate emotions experiences with others whether it’s music or through video blogs or what. but i feel like you know what a lot of us are going through. i myself had two cousins who were killed about 9 years ago and i will ALWAYS remember them being 18 and 16; they will never age. i worked a lot with male youth who were at risk for violence in the community (i worked in oakland), and i totally understand how you feel about them joining gangs cuz these kids were SMART. they had so potential and it killed me that the system didn’t believe in them and set them up to fail before they were even born. so, thank you, paul, for making such a profound video that many can relate to on so many levels, and thank you for showing this vulnerable side of you; not only does it make a difference, but artistically, it only shows how in touch you are with souls around you. much love and respect.
I feel you man. It’s frustrating how, for whatever reason, people resort to violent means to solve any disputes they have. I think more of us have friends that get killed because of guns or gangs than many people know. Especially in neighborhoods where violence is prevalent. It sounds strange, but in my neighborhood, “you’ve made it” really means “you’ve made it out.” I think a lot about why some communities have developed this way… and I don’t have any answers.
wow..i’m speechless.tears are running down my eyes right now..you gonna make a really big difference with your music and this very video of yours..wow…i feel you..well, duluck with everything ,pd.imma support your music ,because you have good intentions and good music…peace out..